Commitment

As that a great portion of my life has been based on the study of religion and it’s influences on people I feel it’s only fitting that I address something that is a key component in society as well as religion, commitment.

There are many things we can commit to, be it god, work, family, or our choice of loved one. Now some do not feel the need for marriage or commitment and are happy. And I AM NOT saying they should. I firmly believe we all must find our path, be it with someone, with more than one someone, or alone. As long as there is honesty, I am honored to know someone. The day they become dishonest about their relationships is where my respect stops.

People, mostly in the United States, that I have talked to have expressed complaints about cheating, inability to trust because of previous relationships, and problems with being faithful themselves. They don’t want into a relationship with someone because they don’t want to be hurt, they are hurt because they found out their loved one has been seeing someone else.

But the change of loving someone and then moving on and seeing someone else is NOT an instant change. It is a movement from one into another, sometimes quickly over days but more often than not over weeks or months. The signs are rarely noticable until it’s far too late to recover the relationship and often leaves the loving hurt, betrayed, and scorned.

My advice based on my knowledge has taught me this:

1. If you love someone you focus your love towards them, but don’t smother them with so much love they feel incapable of returning or loving you enough in comparrison. This can force them away.
2. If you are seeing someone, be proud of their differences in opinion, hobbies, and everything else as well as enjoy what you have in common. Often someone who wants to love and be loved will feel they are not enough and will try to change who they are to make another person happy. And that persons true self will one day reimerge and that could lead to relationship to fail later when “least expected” because they were just being themselves.
3. Don’t lie to yourself, this causes the previous to occur OFTEN. If you lie to yourself and say you are someone you aren’t, love will never find you because how can someone love you if you don’t love yourself.
   1. Big women, be proud of the weight you bare, there are porn stars making money because some MEN LOVE those curves you have.
   2. Skinny women, don’t think you need to loose weight because you aren’t good enough, you are wonderful the way you are.
   3. Men, not all women like BIG MUSCLES and NO BRAINS. Some of us women love our geeks. I mean come on.. Look at Bill Gates, the mans loaded in the pocket book because of his wits.
4. Life is not going to make that NEXT PERSON the ONE! Don’t go into a relationship planning anything more than the next time you go out.
   1. Just because she’s gorgeous and has a LOT of things in common with you does not mean that she is going to love your habit of missing the toilet at night and not cleaning it up.
   2. Just because he’s got money, brains or both does not mean that you will both agree on marriage, financial goals or life choices.
5. Kids are NOT a reason to get married. Kids are a reason to grow up and be and adult. If you want to do the right thing, be a good parent, get over any emotional disruptions your relationship might have had, sit down, discuss your plans for your childs education, health goals, and intentions on spending quality time with them. IF YOU CAN’T DO THAT.. GET A COUNSELOR or TWO.
6. Communication is a key part of any relationship, friendship, work enviornment or anything else. If you can’t communicate and CONTINUE to do it, you WILL FAIL.

Now, yes, I know I am writing about commitment. So why the rant on relationships. Well I figured the ground concepts of what can destroy a relationship are not discussed, you might not understand why I say that even a good relationship, that succeeds at missing out on all of these failings still can fail.

Commitment is not just keeping your physical sexual actions to one person. But it also is a matter of the mind. As that this is my thoughts, my opinion I do feel that there is a line, however small, in where sexual jests/jokes with another can become a violation of commitment, even in word. That line is drawn when the mind contemplates this action as real. Even if no intenion is EVER meant. This thought, however unreal, is still the doorway for the tempation to follow through at some point in the future. It leads you into a world of desire that how ever private and unintended as real, it is real in your own mind. And in the eyes of those who beleive in surpreme dieties, even if no one else hears you, they do.

So when it comes to commitment, don’t keep your thoughts to yourself, don’t lie to yourself, don’t fail to keep your heart, loin and soul in the right place, otherwise your commitment is just words.

Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 January 2009 11:59 )