Time is of the Essence

I can’t shake it. It’s been 12 hours since I woke up from the worst nightmare I’ve ever had. I just can’t get the images out of my head. I wanted to DIE it was so terrifying. I was so horrified and didn’t want to go back to sleep but knew that it’s root was in my waking hours. I couldn’t stop shaking.

For those unfamiliar with it, black holes are suspected to slow down time. I don’t know how or why, but in my dream, a black hole must have opened near my home where I lived with my spouse and my three children. Now for most of you who don’t know me. I am a mother of one 12 year old boy. Now if this expresses the twistedness of my dreamscapes as is, I was married to a woman and I was “genderless” for lack of better terminology, but the children were of my genetic make-up. Now I’ve always been the one who “took care” of everyone so it makes sense I had a wife, and I’ve lost two children so it makes sense I have three. But my problem with the sense of time comes from a VERY REAL and disturbing life event I suffer every hour of every day and it came to head yesterday. 

I LIVE 5-7 days each day in my mind. My sense of time has been morphed and made routine life nearly impossible. Have a near impossible memory to overcome and always get lost at what day or what I haven’t done. Eat? Don’t know if I did it. Drink? Maybe? Shower? Lord, knows if I did.  I have to keep detailed records but normally as long as I have a job I can keep track of what day it is or maybe think I’m a day ahead. But yesterday, I thought, hell I was convcinced, to the point I even ARGUED that it was NOT Wednesday; was Tuesday. It made me nearly cry knowing my sense of time was so distorted. 

Anyway, my dream was long story short, escaping from the time distortion and going back to save my love while my children continued to escape. Only to get closer to the black hole and watch as my beloved ran from me and the black hole, slowly aging with every inch. By the time she reached the door she looked as if 5-10 years had passed. 

Loosing everything I love has always been terrifying to me. BUT LOOSING it as I watch and can do nothing but hope they escape. That is my greatest fear. That was my nightmares as child as my locked away secrets of being molested were hidden and tried to “creep free” from my memory. It’s been almost 20 years since the last time I had that nightmare. But this was worse. It wasn’t the man in dark coming out of my closet. It was something I couldn’t fight, couldn’t see at all, couldn’t even PUNCH or KICK to stop. It just literally ate away at my world, my love. Everything that mattered to me. 

Anyone have any way to help it stop.

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